There’s a lot of confusion about the Gospel these days. For the last week or so (yes I know you’re not supposed to begin a sentence with a preposition), I’ve been seriously exploring the subject of “What is the gospel that is the power of God unto salvation?” In the process of looking for the good news, I found myself pondering all the other gospels that have been, and are being marketed in our world. It seems we keep changing the product to suit the consumer rather than the opposite!
A few months ago my wife Nancy and I had the genuine pleasure of going car shopping. In the light of that glorious experience I found myself thinking about the subject of: “Marketing the Good News.” You know, that might be a darn good name for a daily newspaper – The Good News. Of course, then what would you print?
In the spirit of the times, I’ve identified seven different gospel pitches that are being used in the marketplace today (that’s salesman talk for gospel presentations). In line with that thought; I have come up with what I believe to be an excellent marketing slogan for some future evangelistic campaigns. I have used this slogan in conjunction with the seven of the most popular gospels being pitched today. The slogan is: “Boy, do I have Good News for you!
There may be other gospels being presented today that I have missed, but these seem to be the strongest and best closes – (that’s salesman talk for making the sale, closing the deal or getting a buying decision). Although seven is the number of completeness, if perhaps you should come up with any I have missed, and I doubt that you can, please do not hesitate to e-mail them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org
The Seven Modern Gospel Closes
Real Estate Close
Does the idea of living in a Paradise appeal to you? Would you like streets of gold, pure clean fresh water and TREES! How about your own mansion? If you think you can’t afford it then, boy do I have good news for you!
Are you afraid of death? Do you want to go to hell and burn and scream forever and ever?! Do you cringe at the thought of spending eternity with Adolph Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Ted Bundy, Richard Speck, all of the Hells Angels and Homer Simpson? If so, then boy do I have good news for you!
You know you’ve done bad things in your life, don’t you? – things for which you are ashamed. Have you hurt people in the past? Ever had a naughty thought? Bent the rules? Lied? Did you ever STEAL A POST IT NOTE FROM WORK – maybe even cheated on your Taxes?
Do you know you are a sinner and that God’s gonna’ pay you back someday?! Did you know that the payment for sin is DEATH!! If that sounds like bad news to you then, boy do I have good news for you!
Kings Kid Close
Are you poor? Having trouble making ends meet? Unhappy? Stuck in a rut? Middleclass? Are you driving a used car, a minivan or perhaps a Geo!? Are you living your dreams? Are you worried about the future? Do you find yourself thinking, ‘Is this all there is’? How’s your 401-K? Since you only have one, Do you want your best life now? Are you rich? Looking for a safe investment? If you answered yes to any of these questions, boy do I have good news for you!
The Insurance Close
If you’re a dirty rotten stinkin’ sinner under an eternal sentence of eternal death and hell and you know that someday God is going to fry you like a piece of bacon in a hot greased skillet – then, boy do I have good news for you!
Would you like to learn secrets that have been hidden from the foundation of the world – ancient truths which only a predestined few are privileged understand (I’m a Calvinist)? Would you like to outlive your friends, family and all your associates? How about the opportunity to become a respected member of a tightly knit and exclusive community? Would you like to become a respected Bible scholar? A sought after conference speaker? Maybe even an Usher! Even earn a Th.D? If this appeals to you, then boy do I have good news for you!
Club Med Close
Are you lost, lonely or new in town? Do you miss your family? Would you like a chance to meet some new and exciting people? Are you looking for a place to belong? To make new friends? Looking for entertainment? Do you enjoy group psychodynamics? Would you like to learn to sing in a choir? Work in a nursery? Maybe even park cars? Do you need something to do on Sundays before football? Do you enjoy ‘ever learning’? Do you like drama or music and the arts? Comfortable stadium seating and air conditioning How about coffee and donuts? (that’s for my unsaved policeman friends). Would you like to learn to dance? If your answer is yes to any of the above then, boy do I have good news for you!
Well that’s my seven.
I have to admit that over time I bought into every one of these – some more than once – a few kept me at the altar almost every week! Then it happened! I finally heard “the gospel” (the key word here is heard) – The REAL GENUINE good news of God in Jesus Christ and I learned that I could become a new person, a new creation – because of what Jesus did for me on that cross!
Now, the old George is dead. Hallelujah! However, I may still have some of his jaded sense of humor – but I’m getting better! Hey, thanks for logging on and by the way, if you’re offended then I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to do it. I just couldn’t help myself. But please, be patient with me – God isn’t through with me yet!
This temple is still “under construction”!
One last thing, Boy, have I got good news for you! I’m done!